Do I believe in God and what kind of God am I searching for?

An Instant God that has an answering-machine in heaven?

I unceasingly call Him but His line is destined to be broken

His far-reaching place demands a luxury without an expensive cost

I strive to search for Him because I need an exact answer

I travel to the subways and highways and they make me lost

I find out that I am a folly who can be saved by a sweet surrender

It is my belief that angels and saints are available and can be hired

But to no avail because hiring them costs a priceless ticket

My deep-rooted thoughts shun to be a sage for they are already dog-tired

The problem with a priceless object is that they can only be carried unto death

Faith is the instant answer to believe in His untold reply of mystery

Trusting His incomprehensibility is knowing the bounds of my humanity

               I am all-trembling with fear because I am a less-than-perfect person. I have flaws and defects that add to the crosses of our Man Above has to bear. As I reflect my imperfections, I realized why I am so confused is that I am searching for a different kind of God. I ask myself, “What kind of God am I searching for?” The kind of God I am searching for is an Instant God! Yes, I am searching for an Instant God! I travel the streets of life and still, I cannot find what I am searching for. Maybe the reason why I cannot find Instant God is that there is no such thing as an instant. And so is God. God is not an Instant God! He is not answering-machine God that for every doubt that I clarify, for every word I say, for every question I ask, there is an instant reply. The things I ask don’t come right away and the changes I want to happen don’t happen overnight.

But I know that faith is an instant answer to what I am searching for. The problem I have with this instant answer is that faith is not an instant deliverance. It takes a million and giant trust to have faith. I believe that acknowledging my limitations as a human person and knowing its boundaries is faith in the making. That’s all I have to do in my life.


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